Delirium
by TyedyeRin
Summary: What happens when you make the biggest mistake of your life because of jealousy? Years of regret followed by forgiveness. DRACO X OC


Ok so I found this amidst some writings of mine and decided to post it to see what you guys would think. Let me know! I think I might make this a one-shot. Let me know if you think I should continue, or leave as is. And also, this does not follow the same story line as the series so just go with the plot.

_**That Is Life**_

She had these memories…memories of sitting on that red bench in front of her perfect house. She remembered how she used to hear the screaming….the fighting….she could feel the violence. Her parents never wanted her, or each other. They were just there; seemingly existing in her life…and how she hated it…hated _them. _That is until one day her aunt came to take her away from the madness. She remembered feeling alone, and being filled with regret that she had no reason to feel. Then one day, her closest and only relative came to change that.

"Please will you take me away?" she pleaded.

And her aunt did, and she gave her a life she never dreamed possible. A life as a higher being, where she could do anything….be anything…..feel _anything._

Her Aunt Camilla sent her to Hogwarts, and that's when her life began…where she could feel like somebody…._be _somebody.

"Shadow come on we are going to be late!"

A voice…somewhere in the distance was now daring to disturb her dreams. Shadow slowly opened her eyes to a very impatient and frustrated Pansy.

"Hello? Are we even alive today? C'mon you are going to be late for your first class!"

Yes the girl we see now is eighteen years old and is now in her seventh year at Hogwarts. It was her first day, not the schools however, and of course she was going to be late. She had been in a severe training over the summer that was scheduled to run past the first day of school, much to Shadow's dismay.

She struggled to sit up as Pansy undid the drapes in the dormitory and let bright sunlight flood the room.

"Come on Shadow just because you missed the first two weeks of school does _not _give you the right to sleep in! Now come on or you're going to miss breakfast _plus _your first class! Now, what _is _your first class anyway?"

"Hmm…..potions I believe." Shadow grumbled as she sat up in bed giving Pansy a look that said "get out."

"Huh, of course….anyway now let's go!"

Shadow groaned as she got out of bed and quickly dressed in her robes. She grabbed her books and stuffed her wand in her pocket as she raced down the steps in toe with Pansy.

When they reached the Slytherin table, she was surprised that she was still alive. Out of breath, she scanned for a seat when she heard a squeal of delight.

"Oh Drakie! You saved me a seat!"

Shadow rolled her eyes as she turned to see Pansy cooing over who else?….Draco Malfoy. And oddly enough he wasn't paying any attention to Pansy, but he was looking straight at Shadow. She rolled her eyes and took a seat next to Crabbe, one of Draco's minions.

"So get enough sleep this morning eh Shadow?" Crabbe asked.

"Shove it, and let me eat in peace." she simply stated.

"Well look who is a little ray of sunshine!"

Shadow shot a look at Crabbe that shut him up quickly and resumed filling her plate. It seemed like such a routine to her, after six years, now going on to her seventh, everything seemed programmed. But there was a time she remembered where she had never been so scared in her life. Her first day at Hogwarts had been one that she wasn't going to forget any time soon… or the people she encountered…

_The train ride had been nothing short of a horror. A young girl with blue-green eyes and dirty blonde hair sat alone in a compartment all alone. She was somewhat short and her skin was beautiful porcelain pale. She was a sight to behold, yet no one was taking the time of beholding her. As the treat cart full of sweets came around, she knew that she had no appetite and passed respectfully. _

_Only a few minutes after her compartment door closed a voice and a knock called at her door. _

"_Is this compartment empty?"_

"_No, but you may come in." she responded._

_A boy with white blonde hair and a serious disposition walked in and took a seat. Shadow was awed by his grace, but she noticed how cold and sad his beautiful blue gray-yes looked. Then she noticed how he had no belongings with him._

"_My name is Draco Malfoy, who are you?" he asked coldly._

"_I am Shadow Gray, what can I help you with?"_

_She spoke so old for her age, and for a moment it seemed as if he did as well. Her name seemed to intrigue him._

"_I heard about you, apparently you are a very big and curious mystery for everyone on this train I thought they were only talking about Harry but... They all say that you are more then just a witch. Is this true? Why hasn't anyone talked to you yet, that is if they haven't? Are you shy or something? Are you friendly with that Potter boy? Are you another 'boy who lived story'? But the girl version?"_

_His questions came hurtling towards her and for a moment she was stunned into silence. When he looked at her oddly waiting for a reply, she finally answered with some form of clarity, _

"_You seem very hasty to find out who I am, but so be it. Yes, I am more then a witch, however what I am hasn't really been revealed to me yet. No one has talked too me yet, and I really do not understand why. I am not shy nor will I ever be. I just do not feel compelled to get up and socialize with people who clearly do not want to socialize with me. As for this 'Potter' boy you speak of, I have never heard of him, nor am I friendly with him." _

_Her speech caught him off guard by far and he was surprised at what he was hearing. He liked it though…in fact he liked it __**a lot.**_

"_Well at least I got to you before Harry did then! Trust me you don't need to be in company with him."_

_She looked at him curiously, but made no move to ask about Harry, or why she should not be friends with this boy._

_When Draco noticed her silence he smiled in triumph, and was pleased to know that she wasn't going to make any move to even talk to Potter. _

_So the train ride had been interesting to say the least…when she got there…well, that was a whole other story. _

_When the train pulled up to their destination, she got off and was greeted by crowds of students going this way and that. Draco had been by her side but in attempt to go towards the crowd of first years they had been separated…much to Draco's dismay. _

"_Firs' years if ya all would come wit me!"_

_Shadow then found herself staring up at a very large man with a very large beard, but also a very large smile. _

"_Good evening there littl' mis! Are you a firs year?" he asked. _

_She shook her head yes, and the man introduced himself as Hagrid, and that she was to come with him on a little boat ride up to the castle. _

_All of her luggage, her owl Midnight and her cat Crystal were sent up to her room, leaving nothing but herself and what confidence she had left. She felt as if she would never fit in here at all, and that she wasn't going to have any friends…well except for that boy….what was his name? Oh yes…Draco._

_As she got into the boat and began the ride she looked up at a beautiful starry night sky and the amazing view of the castle came into play. She smiled warmly at this place and realized that this would be her home until the winter break. And for once in her life she felt, well…excited! Every now and then she turned her head to look at the surrounding boats to see if she could catch a flash of Draco's hair. It was the only way she would know if it was him. _

_As they exited their boats she made her way up to a woman who was shouting for the first years._

"_First years over here if you please! Well, it looks like we have everyone. Now, my name is Professor McGonagall and I am the head of Gryffindor, one of the four houses you may be placed in…"_

_She, the professor, continued to make her speech as Shadow found herself drifting and watching all the people making their way inside of the castle. When Professor McGonagall finished, she addressed the group to follow her into the hall. Shadow caught sight of a flash of blonde hair; she smiled a little as she took comfort in knowing she hadn't lost him completely. _

"_Now if you would all line up here...yes thank you!"_

_A moment of silence filled the room as the famous sorting hat was brought out and placed on a stool in front of the great hall of people. As names began to be called out, students stepped up and the hat was placed upon their head to give them the house they would be in. Finally, her name was called._

"_Shadow Gray!"_

_As she made her way to the tattered hat, a wave of relief washed over her, if anything the sorting hat would put her in a good house and that was what she was counting on. When the hat was placed on her, it began to hum with a bit of contentment._

"_Hmmmm, ah yes Shadow Gray. I've heard much about you. A witch but not? So old for such a young age you are! Ha! I haven't come across such a fiery young one in such a long time! But a quiet fire that is. Now where to put you, where to put you? Hufflepuff? Hmm no that won't do…hmm such a difficult decision…you need a place where you can be strong, a place where bravery might be good for you, no but you already have that skill don't you/ No doubt from you par-no from your aunt. Hmm child you are a hard one you are."_

_There was a pause as she waited for her house. It seemed the hat was having a rather difficult time of placing her. Everyone in the room had held their breath, and Shadow caught a pair of eyes hidden under half moon shaped glasses looking at her. She turned away form the figure of Dumbledore and found him sitting at the Slytherin table. He stared at her, nodding in reassurance. She smiled slightly as she waited for the hat to give her the verdict. _

_After what seemed like an eternity the hat responded…almost a bit hesitatingly._

"_SLYTHERIN!" it shouted loudly. _

_There was a chorus of cheering and Shadow stood up and placed the hat back upon the stool. She smiled at it and as she made her way over to the green and silver decorated table, she could have sworn the tattered hat winked at her. She sat beside Draco who seemed overly content with the hat's decision._

"_I knew you would be placed here. You were born to be a Slytherin."_

_She looked at him confused as to his comment but the feast began and so all attention had been turned on the meal. They ate hastily and every now and then the two companions cast glances at each other. Shadow knew that they were going to be together that year._

_Unfortunately it was the only year. During that time Shadow had made and become friends with the one person Draco Malfoy ever claimed he hated…Harry Potter. And so with the new friendship, her old one had been lost. _

As Shadow continued to eat her breakfast she pondered as to why Draco had stared at her. It was the first time he had done ANYTHING to her in about six years. She lifted her head in the middle of chewing, and caught his eye with distaste. After a few moments more, she finished her meal and left joining up with Ron, Hermione, and Harry.

"Shadow you're back! Where have you been?" Ron asked enthusiastically.

"Oh I have just been away on some training and such. I'm sorry I didn't really write you guys over the summer, there really was no time!"

She smiled sheepishly as Hermione shot her a glare, although it was a friendly one.

"Yeah yeah yeah, excuses excuses! But you know I haven't even gotten a hug from you yet!" Hermione chastised.

"Ha ha ok Hermione!"

Shadow was overjoyed at seeing her friends again and she laughed and smiled as she gave the three a hug. Of course the happy reunion couldn't last as a voice interrupted their chatter.

"So you're still talking to them after six years eh?"

Shadow turned around to see Draco with Crabbe and Goyle by each side. She cringed and grinded her teeth at the mere sight of him.

"Well at least _they _have been the one's who have stuck by my side. In fact Draco Malfoy I am surprised you have any words to say to me at all, and I am even more surprised at myself that I am even talking to your face." she spat.

"Whoa easy there! God do you have to be so nasty?" he asked with remorse.

"Do you have to be such a bloody buffoon?" Ron added.

"Shut up Weasly, watch what you say around me." Malfoy retorted.

"Perfect little no good for nothing pure-….."

"Ignore him Ron; we do not associate with _children_ around here anyway. C'mon I'm going to be late for potions if we don't hurry up."

Shadow looked at her friends and Harry stood close beside her in a protective stance. He shot Malfoy a glare as he put an arm around Shadow and they walked away.

"Children! Turn around and say that again Shadow!"

But she didn't; she continued walking with her three friends as she made her way through what was going to be a very long day. Draco seethed as he watched the four-some walked away but all his eyes could rest on was the arm that graced Shadow's shoulders.

"_Damn you Potter."_ he thought hotly.

So Shadow's return went unnoticed by some of her classmates but certainly not her teachers. They were excited to have her back especially when they heard that her true power had been uncovered. But even thought they were pleased to have her back in class, Shadow was not so happy. She had double the homework because of the first two weeks she missed, and she had no time to do it.

"Damnit! How am I going to get this done???"

She was furious as she sat on her bed in her room. Suddenly she heard the door opened with a thud as it hit the wall. Pansy Parkinson had just entered the room and as always she was in a foul mood. Rolling her eyes and turning towards Pansy, Shadow asked:

"What is wrong Pansy?"

"Draco."

She sighed resting her pen next to her notebook. She was writing an essay for herbology and she knew she was never going to get it done. She hated talking to Draco, she _especially _hated having to hear someone complain or talk about him to _her._

"What happened now?" Shadow asked with a sigh.

"He's not paying attention to me again! Walked right past me in the halls by Divination and didn't even look at me!"

Pansy scrunched up her face and stuck her lip out in a pout. Shadow found it rather amusing as it made her look like a four-year-old.

"Pansy no offense but will you stop for once? He has always been like this and he always will be, now if you will just-."

But Pansy wasn't listening as she was fretting something even worse then Draco not giving her the time of day.

"Even worse he asked me to ask you if you if you would meet him in the common room!" Pansy interrupted.

It looked as if Pansy was going to cry, and even worse Shadow almost thought she was going to throw up from the suggestion.

"He did what now?" Shadow asked.

"You heard me! He is waiting for you! He is so damn demanding and rude! After not even looking at me this afternoon, he just waltzes up to me and says 'tell Shadow is to meet me in the common room around eight.' The nerve of him!!!"

"And yet you are totally in love with him."

Pansy went quiet at the statement as Shadow debated on whether or not she should go. She looked back at her essay and decided that she had no energy left to complete it. She packed her books in her trunk and put on some socks and headed to the common room to go see the one person she didn't want to even associate with.

When she reached the room it was brightly lit by a fire and she found Draco sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. As always the first thing she saw was his white blonde hair sticking up from all of the gel he used. In fact it was the _only _thing she could see as he seemed to be slumped down on the couch as if he were asleep. The urge to pull at his spikes and make him howl was very Strong but Shadow resisted the urge.

She stopped midway and stared at the back of his head for a moment.

"_Should I go to him? I haven't even had a decent conversation with him since we were friends."_

As she argued with herself she murmured something to herself. Draco picking up her voice sat straight up and turned his back around to face her.

"I didn't think you would come." he stated.

His voice broke her out of her argument as she looked at him. He hadn't sounded like this in the morning….something seemed different.

"Curiosity I suppose. I must say you caught me off guard this morning."

"Did I now?" he retorted.

"Yes, it was the first time you had said or did anything in such a long time. Why all of the sudden have you decided to acknowledge my existence?"

The fire light cast shadows across his face as he sat in silence thinking of what to say. Why had he asked her to come? Did he regret something that should have…could have been all those years ago?

"Would you…would you like to sit?" he asked softly.

Something in his tone made Shadow break a little. She was going to refuse but when she heard his voice saw those eyes…she knew something was unusual.

"If you wish."

He cracked a small grin as she took a seat beside him on the couch.

"God, you haven't changed a bit since you got here. I can't even begin to imagine…"

"Imagine what?" she asked not sure of whether she should be insulted or not.

He shook his head from side to side as he ran a hand through his hair, slightly messing up the small spikes that stood atop his head.

"Why do you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Spike your hair! You know it looks absolutely ridiculous. You should at least let up on the gel a little, I mean honestly Draco you look like a porcupine."

"Well, if I had asked for your advice on my hair, I would of. Otherwise shut your mouth!"

"And those are the great and terrifying words of Draco Malfoy!!!"

He was about to retort angrily when he saw her break into a small fit of quiet laughter. He felt that he should have been angry at her outburst, but instead he began to chuckle himself.

"You know who hasn't changed? You Draco. You have been the same stuck-up snobby boy that I met that first day on my journey here to Hogwarts."

At these words his face fell, and she could see him shift slightly away from her and lean towards the light of the fire.

"But do you know what else has also never changed?"

She put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to look at her. His gaze met hers and she thought back to that day on the train.

"My curiosity."

He looked at her curiously trying to figure out what her cryptic words meant. She smiled slightly at him as her eyes bore into his.

"For what?" he asked, his patience growing thin.

"Curiosity as to why your eyes were so sad the day I met you. What happened to us Draco? We were so close and all of the sudden-it's as if-well it's as if we both had died and we were the only two that knew it."

He cringed slightly at her statement and shrugged her hand off his shoulder. She bit back a comment and rested her hands on her lap. But to be cold was not his intention and as soon as she had gone into a defensive position he reached for her right hand and took it gently into his.

"My life has been nothing but hatred and remorse. I was raised to be someone I don't want to be, and I will most likely die being that person. Why were my eyes so sad that day on the train? Because they had beheld something so amazing that I couldn't believe that one day I might have to destroy this wonderful being sitting beside me. I was only twelve at the time, but I understood that you were something greater then anyone, not even _Harry Potter _could fathom."

She pulled back a little at the mention of her friend's name. But she didn't withdraw her hand for she was getting the answers she wanted and she didn't want to offend Draco.

"Why do you hate him so?" she asked.

He hesitated in answering her because he wasn't so sure he wanted her to know the reason. Shifting his body closer to hers he gripped her hand a little more firmly, just to make sure she wouldn't let go.

"Because he was given a second chance; one that I was never given. He survived _him _and lived to tell the tale, but not only that…he was able to save others. To do what I could not…to be the _hero._ I always wanted to be the one who people could look to for help. But even _before _we stepped one foot on the ground of Hogwarts that day people already knew me and what my reputation was. And it wasn't even because of me; it was because of my father and who _he _was. Not who _I _was, but him! Of all people to judge, why could they not judge him?"

He paused to catch his breath and Shadow realized he was getting upset. She moved even closer and put her other hand on his shoulder tenderly.

"Draco, if you want to stop we can-."

"No."

He said it with defiance and it caused her to jump slightly. It seemed that hew as taking this opportunity to tell her all the things he had kept hidden all those years.

"I know who I am, is my fault as well. I could have been nicer, acted less cold, but I couldn't do it. I was afraid of growing close to someone in fear that I would end up hurting or killing them. So when I let you in, I thought it wouldn't matter because I knew you were so _strong._ But then-."

"Then I turned around and found new friends and you thought I wasn't going to be loyal to you anymore." She finished for him.

"No, not _loyal_." he paused. "I thought you wouldn't believe in me anymore."

She sucked in a breath as she stared at him in awe.

"That's why? You thought I wouldn't believe in you anymore? Draco you were the first person I ever met in this place. The one who, in his own strange way, made me feel comfortable about being here."

He smiled as she called him 'strange' for their greeting was a bit different then most. With him being pushy and all his antics.

She looked at him with a smile and he suddenly felt sad again. She could see the shift in his eyes; they weren't smiling anymore.

"Draco?" she asked cautiously.

"I just wish this conversation didn't have to be so late. I've lost all this time with you.'

"Well it's the beginning of a new year, and if you want to, I would like to stay friends."

He looked at her and she could see another question forming on his lips. But he was careful about what he said because he didn't want to hurt her already more then he had.

"_How do I say this to her? Hey Shadow are you snogging the Potter kid? How do you ask someone if they are in love with another?"_ he thought despairingly.

"By just asking them Draco."

His eyes went wide as he stared at her in pure and utter shock. Did she just answer his thoughts? He almost grew frantic as he began to struggle out of her grasp.

"Draco calm down!"

She didn't yell; it was more of a loud whisper one that pulled him back into calm reality. He stopped struggling and leaned in to the side of the couch, never taking his eyes off of hers.

"But how did you-?"

"It is one of the many gifts I have grown into."

"When?"

"Over this past summer. It seems eighteen would be the coming of age for me and for my powers."

He swallowed slowly.

"What else can you do?"

"Besides read minds? Sometimes I see broken pieces of the future, and the past. I can teleport myself any place I want, I have the ability to heal-and well let's just say the list goes on and none of my abilities need a wand."

He shook his head in disbelief; it was a lot for him to take in. He knew one day that she would be strong, but not _that _strong. Just the ability to read minds alone was powerful enough. Finally she broke him out of his thoughts with a whisper.

"Now, Draco, what did you want to ask me?"

He stumbled with his thoughts trying to say what he wanted to say. Finally he settled on a simple question, no strings attached.

"Just tell me this, do you love him?"

"Who?" she asked softly.

"Potter."

She looked at him, a blank expression on her face. She couldn't believe he had asked that to her. She had gotten from his mind before that he had wanted to ask her something about being in love, but with _Harry!?_

She chuckled softly as she put the hand that wasn't holding his to his cheek.

"You know I swore to myself that I would hate you for all eternity." She stated.

He was silent and grew stone still as he listened to her.

"But every time you threw a glance in my direction, when I caught you staring at me when you didn't know I could see, when you talked to me even though you were harsh….I couldn't do it. I couldn't for one second accept that you were out of my life. I thought 'this isn't the Draco I know, he'll come around eventually.' Whether you want to accept it or not, I never stopped _believing_ in you."

She had lost some of her composure as she began to break down under the weight of her emotions. She was now getting out what she had wanted to say for so long. Before she knew it, a small tear slipped down her cheek. Before she could react, Draco reached out and caught it with his thumb, stroking her cheek lightly.

"Draco I'm-."

But before she could finish he captured her lips in a soft kiss, one that he had been dying to give her since she had made her presence known to him. He expected her to pull away, hit him, scream at him, something! But she had gone limp and was now returning the kiss with a fervor she didn't know she even had. She hungered for him like he hungered for her. They loved each other and they both knew that things had never been easy and were never going to be easy. Her heart picked up speed as he deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around her. Suddenly he broke away and she laid her head on his shoulder breathing deeply. He held onto her tightly and lightly kissed the top of her head, making her stir somewhat underneath his hold. She smiled into his shoulder, and she could hear him murmur something under his breath.

"What?" she asked breathlessly.

"And you're supposed to be a mind reader!"

He earned a jab in the ribs and another kiss for an apology.

"Well what did you say?" she asked pulling away from his beaming face.

"You never answered my question."

She quirked an eyebrow as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

"Which is?" she asked laughing.

"Are you in love with him?"

She rolled her eyes and pinned him on his back his head hitting the cushion softly.

"You are such a bloody fool." she stated.

And with that he earned a playful slap on the head and a scorching kiss to apologize for the beating he had gotten for being such a 'bloody fool.'


End file.
